A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: NOTHING IS SACRED

(Aka REMAKES, REMAKES, REMAKES!)

The diehard geek in me screamed ‘NOOOOOO’ yesterday, when it came to light that the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET franchise is to be rebooted. Why can’t Hollywood think of anything new? Apparently New Line Cinema, who started the franchise off in the first place with 1984’s Wes Craven helmed masterpiece, are talking to the shoddy remake factory known as Platinum Dunes about relaunching the series. Okay, can I just say this: DON’T DO IT NEW LINE!!! Recent years have shown that remakes/relaunches aren’t that great, and don’t have much in the way of longevity. They don’t hang around in cinemas for very long, and rapidly become bargain DVDs within a matter of a couple of months. STOP TARNISHING GOOD FRANCHISES!

The only two remakes that have approached the quality of the originals in this era of quick-lets-remake-it-while-people-still-recognize-the-title have been the first HILLS HAVE EYES and the first TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, both of which remained essentially faithful to the originals while adding elements that would have been difficult if not impossible to achieve when they were made the first time around.

What worries me is, with remakes of NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, FRIDAY THE 13^TH and even CHILD’S PLAY in the works, these once great examples of the celluloid horror genre are becoming increasingly ridiculous lampoons of themselves. These films are iconic, and remakes tend to come across as amateur dramatics productions with shinier bells and whistles on them. More gore, more flesh, more violence, a big soundtrack, all of which attempt to take the viewer away from the story, and it is the story that should be central to the movie.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET gave us Freddy Krueger, one of the most well known horror characters since the advent of the moving image. Over the course of six ELM STREET movies, WES CRAVEN’S NEW NIGHTMARE and FREDDY VS JASON (not forgetting the ELM STREET TV series), Robert Englund has provided viewers with scares and thrills for over two decades. Englund’s portrayal of the child killer who burned to death at the hands of his victim’s parents, only to return and stalk them in their dreams, is so much a part of modern culture that to restart the series with a new cast would be nothing short of insane.

Look at the first film. Go on. Watch it tonight, and revel in it. Wes Craven created a film stuffed with atmosphere and genuine tension. You barely see Freddy’s face other than in shadow, he rarely throws out the cheesy one-liners that the sequels became stuffed with, and it remains powerful to this day. Plus it is of historical interest to movie nerds, being Johnny Depp’s break on the big screen.

It may turn out to be fantastic though. I do hope so. Hopefully they will still cast Robert Englund as Freddy. I mean, Jason Voorhees has been played onscreen by many people, but Robert Englund is the only person that audiences will believe as Freddy Krueger. Its in the voice, the movements, the expressions, the little nuances that he brings to the part. Granted, Emglund is now spending a great of time directing movies rather than starring in them, but hopefully New Line will persuade him to don the glove and the battered Fedora once again. The remake is apparently going to deal partly with his life before he became the dream demon we all know and love. This is a dangerous area to cover, people. The man kidnapped children, took them to a boiler room and butchered them. This is something we really don’t need evidence of onscreen. Leave it be. Leave the mystery in there. It is much more effective and scary that way.

I thought that WES CRAVEN’S NEW NIGHTMARE (the 7^th film in the series) was the perfect way of recreating the Freddy Krueger character. Putting him into the real world and having him play havoc with the stars of the original film was a genius move and if that film had been blessed with current effects technology it would be incredible. There, there’s what New Line should do. Go back to the original NOES movie, clean up the print, tweak the effects a little, beef up the soundtrack a bit, add a few scenes here and there, and you would have a brilliant new edition of the movie to release without having to make the thing from scratch and risk ridicule and derision from a fanbase that has already fluctuated in recent times.

The 18 inch New Nightmare Freddy figure from NECA is a great piece, featuring him as he appeared with his long coat, redesigned makeup and glove, and has been popular ever since it was released. You see? He looks cool as hell, and still looks like Freddy.

There is hope though. Get the right person to script it, the right person to direct, and a cast that isn’t just along for the money, and you could create something very special indeed. How about instead of a relaunch, Freddy passes the mantle of dream demon onto a distant young relative or something similar? Maybe his demonic self could sense the awakening of a new psychopath with his family blood and offer him/her the powers to slaughter everyone, not just those confined to the Elm Street bloodline?

There are many ways this could go. I just hope it doesn’t turn out to be a bad dream...

Sorry, I couldn’t help that.

The what now?

So then, the title of the new James Bond movie has been revealed- Quantum of Solace. Huh? Granted it is the title of an early Ian Fleming short story featuring Bond, but he's barely in the original tale. Plus, as titles go, it doesn't really inspire much awe. Sadly, I think it will confuse a portion of the potential audience. Me? I find it rather indifferent.

Thankfully it does look as though we're in for a treat with the movie. They started shooting it last month, and the initial rushes that were shown at the press junket really didn't show much apart from a bit of snow and Judi Dench scowling, so we'll have to wait to get more more about it. The title's a bit odd though.

On the upside, it stars former model Olga Kurylenko as a Bond Girl, which can only be a good thing as she is gorgeous. Okay okay, I'll go and have a cold shower now.

Incidentally...
Hammer movies are back, albeit not in the form we knew and loved from long ago. A new movie has been shot in around a dozen episodes, which is to be released online bit by bit and later on DVD in a recut form. BEYOND THE RAVE is the title as far as I know, and surrounds chaos at a vampire nightclub. So then, instead of going for something iconic, they're making a cross between VAMP and FROM DUSK TIL DAWN? Whatever happened to innovation? The jury's still out on this project, but I'm really pleased that Hammer are back in business, and I hope they get a proper movie underway soon...

Speaking of those Khan figures...

They're awesome. The 25th anniversary Wrath of Khan series 1 figures are here after what seems like an eternity, and they've been worth the wait. There's a Kirk, a Khan, a 'Double Cross' Kirk (you can tell he means business as he has a scowl and a lapel open- is that the movies' equivalent of his frequent torn shirts in TOS? heh) and Captain Terrel. All of them come with the appropriate accesories and look pretty cool. the only problem is, Art Asylum are still intent on packaging figures in blisters that are impossible to store other than on a hook! It's a small quibble really, as these figures a great.

New Comic Day

Thursdays are great things, kiddies. That's when the lovely truck arrives full of lovely brown boxes full of shiny things. It's hard to get bored when you have boxes of comics and new figures to open. Today we got the Stargate Atlantis figures, Wrath of Khaaaaaaaaaan figures (sorry, force of habit), Battlestar Galactica figures (Can I have a lifesize Number Six please?) and restocks of the game version of Cloud from Final Fantasy. There's a cool feature on the Play Arts Final Fantasy figure range on the way from our very own clone of Cloud, Mr Rich Thorp, so keep an eye out for that.

The one thing that poses a problem on New Comic Day is the issue of finding appropriate places for things, hence us swapping the shop around so much. Whoever said comic geeks didn't like doping anything physical?

JANUARY 2008- BOLDLY GOING STRONG

Hey there folks, I hope your collective 2008s are going swimmingly thus far. Following the annual Christmas insanity, we’ve been working on improving the store layout for you guys. Over the festive period we identified a number of areas in the store that would benefit from being rearranged and reworked, so that’s exactly what we’ve done! The store is now split into two ‘halves’, namely a merchandise side and a printed material side. Check out the work so far:

It’s far from finished, but we’re working hard to ensure the place is easy to get around and its easier to find the cool stuff you want.

2 0 0 8

So what do we have to look forward to in 2008? There’s going to be a ton more to check out from us online for a start, but I’ll leave you in suspense for now on that score. What I will tell you is that as of now, there are a bunch of cool features being worked on by our infamous/illustrious staff that you’ll be able to check out soon.

There’s a mass of movies and TV to look forward to despite the writers strike (But hey, there’s an actor’s guild strike planned too). Personally, I’m looking forward to two movies in particular, even more than Iron Man and the new Indiana Jones (both of which, incidentally, have me stoked). Those films are JJ Abram’s apocalyptic CLOVERFIELD and the long, LONG awaited final part of Dario Argento’s ‘Tears’ trilogy, namely MOTHER OF TEARS. I’m so excited about the prospect of Cloverfield. I just wish we didn’t have to wait until the start of February to see it!

Speaking of JJ Abrams, have you seen the teaser for his STAR TREK reboot? It shows mercifully little, and for once we have a teaser that actually TEASES the audience. I do love the ‘Under Construction text at the end. I think his version of Star Trek is going to kick all kinds of ass, even if the diehards are still arguing about the cast and the plot. Come on, FIRST CONTACT was a time travel story, and that was incredible. THE VOYAGE HOME was too! I can’t wait to get hold of a model of the new version of the Enterprise.

Then there’s the whole Doctor Who universe continuing to take over out TV screens, with the new DW series on the way as well as the now-playing second series of TORCHWOOD, which is shaping up to be even better than the first!

Stuff on the way

Other goodies I’m looking forward to getting in? let’s see… Just in time for the new RAMBO movie, Sideshow are bringing the original FIRST BLOOD 12” doll back out, and about time too. The premium format Rambo figures always looked awesome, even if the holographic packages were so…hypnotic. The Sideshow guys and gals have also unveiled something pretty damn spectacular in the shape of the STAR WARS: DUEL OF THE FATES Diorama, taken from the final moments of The Phantom Menace. Now, I Know all about the feelings towards that film, but you can’t deny that the last 20 minutes were incredible. Featuring Obi Wan, Qui-Gon and Darth maul locked in their saber duel, this diorama is going to be stunning.

While on the subject of Star Wars, there’s a cool 12” of Luke from Ep4 - Luke Skywalker - Episode IV on the way too, just as he appears in the iconic ‘Twin Suns’ shot at the start of the movie. Another Marvel Premium format figure has been unveiled too, namely the Red Skull, who, as we all now know, was the one behind Captain America’s death (God I’m worried about Bucky taking on Cap’s title- that’s gonna be really hard for Marvel to pull off well).

I suppose the other big thing right now would be Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem. Now, it is no secret that I am, lets say, not a fan of this crossover franchise, but a bunch of my colleagues are, and the Sideshow diorama depicting the Predalien Hybrid diving at the Predator looks like a superb piece of work indeed. Also check out the Predalien Maquette Now, if only they would hire a writer for the next one. You know, someone who can provide an actual script? At least the movie LOOKS cool. I’m with the crowd wanting an actual AVP movie with no humans in it, and no dialogue. A lack of dialogue (just alien screams etc) would be much more believable than the cookie cutter schlock Hollywood are content to churn out over and over.

Anyway, I’m gonna go dribble about Cloverfield in a corner for a while.

Expect a much more active presence here from now on!

Peace and starcharts

Tis the season to get cool stuff...

‘Tis the season to get cool stuff

Fa la la la la- la la la LAAAAA.

Hello, me again. Don’t worry, I’m not feeling too festive yet. No sooner have the bikinis been packed away and there’s a batch of Christmas themed figures out. Ah, but there little beauties aren’t your average Yuletide nonsense, oh no siree, they’re made by Macfarlane, and thus amid the horrors of the (dun-dun-DUUUHHH) Snowman and (Shudder) Santa Claus (No really, they’re freaky as hell), good old Todd has seen fit to bless his many disciples out there in Fanland with a brand new sexy icon to worship… Mrs Claus! Far from her usual image of a nice apron and a friendly smile, she’s offered here, erm… Well, there’s no way else to say it but, she’s poledancing around a Candy Cane! You too will believe that confectionery can be alluring!

Check her out…



Now tell me, who wouldn’t want to find her filling their Christmas stocking?

An old favourite has made a recent- and very welcome- return in a new form too, namely the TWISTED LAND OF OZ version of Dorothy, now in a 12 inch form. Again from Macfarlane (oh how good to us dear Lord Todd is to us), it’s basically the same thing as the original 7 inch figure but on a larger scale, thus enabling far greater detail in the sculpt and more shelf impact. We got these in recently and they look fantastic.

I do love the fact that McF continue to churn out the good stuff on a pretty consistent basis. Sure they put out some duds now and again, but look at the companies that put out nothing BUT duds. It balances out pretty well in Macfarlane’s favour. Their stuff has been a consistent seller for as long as I can remember, what with their Movie Maniacs range and various licenses over the years. They must be doing something right, and what is it? Basically their merchandise is of a very high quality, and while not all of the paint jobs are 100% convincing on the figures they produce, they hit the mark more often than not.

The lovely Dorothy in all her glory…



Something that has been gnawing at the geek consciousness for a good while now (okay, more CONSUMING than gnawing) is the gaming phenomenon of WORLD OF WARCRAFT. Personally it ain’t my thing. The RPG fans languish elsewhere in our store, and are big devotees. What I do know is that people have been dying to check out the figures, and ours came in a little while ago. They’re damn cool pieces, but I couldn’t tell you much about the characters without visiting Wikipedia or actually playing the game itself, and as games tend to make me want to throw people out of windows, I’d best avoid it. According to my reliable sources (heh, I almost typed ‘sauces’ there, which wouldn’t have been too far from the truth), these figures kick all kinds of backside, and the reaction from our clientele seems to be favouring them quite well.



I’m looking forward to this year’s deluge of coolness in the run up to the Christmas period. After seven years in this business I have a feeling this year’s going to be very, very memorable for all of us.

Andy

Modern Horror- Does it suck like Lestat?

Modern Horror- Does it Suck Like Lestat?

By Andrew Hawnt

No doubt you’re going to take me for a bit of a horror snob, but I have to say this. Modern horror is really getting into a bad state, and something needs to change. Hear me out.

Look at the current slate of releases. Remakes, sequels, and endless rehashings of tired old formulas. There seems to be a waning interest in original movies and a sadly growing fascination with no-brainers. SAW IV, Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN, hell, even WRONG TURN is getting a sequel! Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy cheap sequels and I do revel in B movies, but there does come a point where you want something NEW.

Hollywood is struggling, really struggling with decent horror at the moment. One factor in this struggle is the simple fact that all the decent writers are working in TV now (currently a vastly more lucrative market for writers). Another is that apart from maybe Lionsgate, there are few companies with the clout or the enthusiasm to push new horror to a wider audience. Granted there are many companies out there with either one attribute or another but never one with both.

There is a stigma against horror in many people’s eyes. Many execs think it is SUPPOSED to be moronic, and are more than happy to churn out more and more sequels with increasingly smaller returns and increasingly bad results.

The independent movie studio CINEMACARBRE is something I need to mention. Here is a
small company churning out film after film after film of the same old killer/slasher/teens in woods/haunted house/mass murder formulas. The films are shot for miniscule budgets on DV cameras and chucked out on DVD with covers that don’t usually give you a clue as to the essentially home-movie quality of the contents.

I admit I’ve sat through plenty of their movies and have taken some kind of perverse pleasure in predicting every plot twist and taking in every terribly executed (pun intended) special effect, but amongst their catalogue I can’t say there’s one title that I’d watch again. I’m all for movies getting made with no budget, but at least TRY and raise them from the mire of the formulaic!

I guess my ire is generally aimed just at the US market, as there still seems to be plenty of fresh blood (groan) to be gulped down in the Asian and European markets, where there is less emphasis on appeasing the masses and more on artistry and storytelling, tension and chills. Prime examples? Night Watch (I am yet to see Day Watch but am very excited by it), Pan’s Labyrinth (breathtaking), and the constant stream of Asian terror-fests that turn up on DVD in the west.

Why? Because these are films that, while they may adhere to some clichés, they do so with style, substance and the onscreen clout to pull them off. This is something missing from US horror, which has become a relentless mess of CG gore (CG gore?! What the hell is all that about?!), MTV style editing, generic plots, lousy acting and little care.

Horror is supposed to SCARE people isn’t it? Fair enough there will be the odd chill or the odd shock, but there are very few films out there that offer anything more. I want to be unsettled by horror films. I want to come away from them feeling slightly wrong about the world and I want to feel like I’ve got my moneys worth of decent direction as well as gore!

Rant over.

Incidentally, Romero’s new one, DIARY OF THE LIVING DEAD, sounds pretty damn cool, and works as an example of what I’m getting bat. Here’s a guy who pretty much invented the contemporary zombie movie genre, coming back with another entry which turns the formula on its head with a unique mix of ‘archive’ footage, drama and flashbacks that pieces together a very compelling story that many more American film makers would do well to take note of.